The Whole Wonderful Thing

Two today:

David: I'm like a feelings dumpster. And then the teenagers learn to love the dumpster.

And

While sitting in the spa with Willie and Little Red (age 12) part (like 1/3) of my boob fell out and Willie told me, much to the upset of Little Red. Later on...

Willie: You saw her boob huh?

Little Red: Yes I did! I saw the whole wonderful thing!!!

Willie: Did you like it?

Little Red: No.

Willie: Come on dude.

Little Red: Okay YES I DID AND I LOVED IT!

Attention Disorders

Steppy: I have ADD

Willie: I do too.

Steppy: ISN'T IT AWESOME? Wait, what were we talking about before???

Why The Baby Cried

Wade: Do you hear that baby out there? Maybe a dinosaur is just chasing him and he's crying because he can't get away. Oh! He stopped crying. Maybe the dinosaur got him and he just died.

David's Injury

He has this large pink welt on his side, and I asked what happened.

"At work I was trying to hit a donut with a stick...actually it wasn't a stick, it was a broom handle. Anyway I was swinging it around like a ninja warrior and then Ryan threw a donut at me and I tried to hit it but instead I hit myself in the ribs."

Faith And Alcohol

David: (in Steve Irwin accent) Crikey! She's turned back to her faith! Once she goes back to her faith she has a stockpile of whiskey, which is a deadly combination. Once she's got these two elements in her she gets very very righteous and angry, now that is a time when you don't want to bugger around with her when she's righteous and angry.

Steppy Stoned?

I lol'd hard at this one.

David went to have a beer with my neighbor the Marlboro Man, and Steppy's over here basically falling asleep on my couch so I suggest we go find David so Steppy can leave (since I don't want to be all lonely.) We get over there and they're all chillin' out, maxin, relaxin all cool, etc.

Marlboro Man is telling a story, and mid sentence he looks at Steppy and goes "Are you stoned?"

Steppy's like "No, I'm just really really tired, I only slept three hours last night."

"Oh. Well I was gonna offer you some marijuana. You looked stoned!"

Rage

Steppy: Do you see the size of his gut? He internalizes his rage so he can belch it out in flames. Like Godzilla.