The Only Rule Of Ultimate Fighting

Ty: The only rule of Ultimate Fighting is that you can never ever ever set someone on fire.

Drinking With David

So David's had three beers, he's looking at the alcohol percentages on the bottles and finds out that one of them is 9.5%. This explains why he then exclaims "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?"

He's referring to the metal bracket things on the closet door.

He opens the closet door and sees that I've hung up a shoe rack.

"Fucking sweet!"

Shoe racks are fucking sweet.

You're Always Like That!

Ty: Daddy you're always make believe, because you're always saying things that can't happen and don't happen and never will happen. You're always like that!

David: It's called joking, buddy.

Ty: Oh.

My Hands Are Too Cold

David: My hands are too cold, could you pull the lint out of my belly button for me?

Jessie: Use a q-tip, you fuck!

Button Eyes

Greg: Fuck that movie Coraline. Anything with button eyes, I'm like NO FUCKING WAY.

David's Screwed

David: Um...I think I just screwed this cap into my face.

Sally Comes To David's Defense

In response to the news of Stater's giving David a bad report which caused CHP to drop his application, the neighbor had some not so kind words to say.

Sally: why the heck he wrote that?? what a stupid ass,,he ruined his chance for what? i hate people like this....i hope he will pay for it!!! and when that happens .. i hope he;ll knw what is that he;s paying for...oh man..i would go to him and spit on his ugly face. if he wouldve done that to me...after all the hopes and dreams ...or to my man,...i would go there in the middle of the store and make a fuul of himself.and spit on him like a gypsy..nothing to loose...

12 Inch Sausage

This girl comes into the pizza place and orders a medium sausage pizza. So David, in all of his charm, comes out and announces:

"I've got a 12 inch sausage for Kim."

Epic.