Sally's Boyfriend Talks Like A Nigerian Spammer

Sally's email to me:

i asked him to tell me something nice ...something to convince me that i wont be just another name on his list....this is what i got back...

men are suckers...

I will take you everywhere and enjoy your intelligence in the day and your romance in the evening.JUST YOU. No one could ask for anything nicer; a fantastic package. I look forward to traveling to Europe with you

Watch Your Mouth Around The Kids

I'm talking to David about my friend Steppy but apparantly Ty was listening from the other room.

Jessie: Well I told him that I would put things in his butt if he let me take pictures of it and put them in my Flickr.

Ty: (comes running in) Mama! You will go to jail! It is against the law to put things in somebody's butt!

Waste And Shampoo

Two today...

David: That's a waste of a Mazda.

And...

Pico: So there was this guy who got kicked out of the Marines for cumming into bottles and tasting it. He had bottles of cum everywhere, in his locker, under his bed, all over the place. I'm thinking I want to go into the shampoo business so I can cum into the bottles and sell it to people.

Jessie: Dude, why go into the shampoo business? Just work at Rite Aid, you can do that there.

Dana Hates Telling Girl Scouts No

Dana: I hate telling girl scouts no, I mean...they're doing the right thing, they're just trying to sell some cookies, but it's like "Sorry girls, my back pack's full of beer..."

God, WHAT AM I?

Look at me, what if I had just started tearing open the boxes and chugging a beer, destroying all their cookies. Some little girl's like "Excuse me mister..." and I'm like "THAT'S MR. MISTER TO YOU, PIGTAILS!"

Candy Dots

Jessie: That's what I want in my Easter basket, a dick covered in Candy Dots.