Not A Quote, More Like A Story

So David brings some of his beer to distribute at his Pizza Place. The owner of the Pizza Place is from Pakistan, and as everyone else is taking beer and such, David asks Other David if he thinks it would be all right to ask Mr. Pakistan if he wants beer. You see, Mr. Pakistan's religion recommends that he not drink alcohol, but David has seen him clean a ton of beer bottles from his car before (which I wont get into, that's a whole different story.)

Other David says no, not to ask. But David did anyway.

"Mr. Pakistan, do you like beer?"

"Beer?" Mr. Pakistan says, "I drink beer every day."

"Oh well perhaps you would like to try some of mine."

"You have beer?"

"I make it."

"And is it good?"

"Ask Other David, he's had it before."

Other David is glaring at David and shaking his head no. He's really mad for some reason.

"Oh you have had?" Mr. Pakistan asks him. Other David answers yes.

David shows him some bottles, one of which is a swing-top Grolsch bottle and the other is a 22 oz bottle with our label on it. He shows him the label and explains the bottling process, blah blah blah.

"Which one is good one?" Mr. Pakistan asks.

"Well...they're both the same I--"

Mr. Pakistan grabs the 22 ouncer, pulls the metal cap off with his teeth and downs it right there in the parking lot.

"It's very smooth," he says, and then drinks another couple glugs. "You sure you make this yourself? You didn't just put your label on someone else's beer?"

"No that's...um...that's mine."

"Hmm," he says, and pours the rest down his throat. "Here," he goes, "you can re use this bottle."

And Mr. Pakistan drives off.

Other David rolls his eyes. "I tried to tell you."

"Sorry dude, I...didn't expect that he'd pound a 22 oz beer in the parking lot."

"You owe me another beer, man."

Why You Should Not Eat Money

David (to Wade): Don't eat money, what is wrong with you? If you swallow a quarter, guess what? Someone is going to rip your gut open to get it out of you. You tell a doctor that you're full of quarters in this economy? You're dead. So don't put money in your mouth.

Paper Air Plane

David: So I made a pretty cool paper air plane. Too bad I stomped on it. I told it to get up but it wouldn't.

Why They Cant Help

Cop: Why cant your parents pay to put you through academy?

David: Well, her parents are dead, and my dad drives the short bus, and my mom, well, she aint right.

Mr Clean

Jessie: I'd sure like to see a more violent version of Mr. Clean...

Butt Bubble

David: Okay so I have this bubble in my butt that is keeping it open, and like, it has valves on either side that let me suck in air or push out air.

Jessie: ...How long's it been like that?

David: Bout a minute. Oh it just went away.

Two From Tonight

Wade: I don't want to sit by Ty because he's making me boxes!

Ty: Boxes are good for you!



And



Jessie: I can go to your church, but I ain't gonna do it right.