Xerox

From a very long time ago when I was helping out in my sister's kindergarten classroom.

Jessie: (shaking a covered dixie cup filled with dried beans) And what do you suppose is inside of this cup, children?

Boy: (gasps and covers his mouth in terror) *whispers* Maybe there's Xerox in there...

Mecca

Greg: He has to make sure he's pooping toward Mecca.

LOLWUT?

Jessie: What would you like for dinner Wade, do you want a salad?

Wade: Yeah! On my head!

The Magic Word

David: (poised with a pepper grinder over Ty's bowl of vegetables) Say the magic word.

Ty: Um...go.

David: How did you know that the magic word was "um go?"

Overheard On The Phone

David: So happy mother's day mom.

Mom: Aaaw, thank you. So what are you doing?

David: Aw, you know, makin' mother's day for this mama right here.

Mom: *grumble, moan* oh

A Grasshopper Can Kill You

David: Grasshoppers can actually kill you, you have to poison them.

Jessie: What? How do they kill you?

David: They get on your face and totally scratch out your eyes with their legs.

Jessie: lol, no they don't. Where did you hear that?

David: I've had dreams.

Jessie: That's different then.

David: They saw little holes into your eyes.

Jessie: No they don't.

David: They attract you with their magical music legs and then next thing you know you're blind.