(we're cuddling in bed and just as he goes to kiss me the sprinklers come on outside and it's really loud and distracting.)
David: That's okay baby, just pretend we're doing it at a golf course late at night.
2.
Sally: I'm going to get the lap-band surgery, I need to lose some pounds.
David: Is it time for a new car already?
3.
David: Fuck you, baby computer. What did I ever do to you?
(PS this is David's baby computer:)

#3 is my fav.
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